Sunday, June 28, 2009

Pearls before swine

Elizabeth Scalia at the Anchoressonline has an excellent post on living low, living in mediocrity, living for less than we were created, accepting the mud and mire, or throwing our pearls before swine and being satisfied. It reminds me (and she uses the analogy) of this weight-loss, food obsession struggle.

I have been struggling, mightily. Often, these last couple weeks, I've been losing. I've given in to temptation. I've succumbed to the sugary sweetness of temporary satisfaction and comfort. I'm swine groveling in the mud, too absorbed by the delights of sludge to look up and see goodness and long-lasting health and happiness ahead.

I truly feel as if I am addicted. I think about what meal is next. I anticipate hunger in hope of justifying why I am eating -- again.

What happened? My discipline of healthy eating, waiting for hunger, eating good stuff....was going so well. And then it collapsed in on me.

Summertime is supposed to be that "health-aware" season. The fashions cover less of your body so you want to be in better shape so you exercise more, eat less (because it's hotter outside and who likes to eat when it's hot?). But somehow the summer has the opposite effect on me. My routine (kids in school, home schooling, regular meetings, etc.) is off, so I am off-schedule. I need the routine! It's hot, bloody hot outside and stepping out into it drains me of all energy for the next task/project at hand and I end up tinkering on the computer for six hours and not walking, reading, cleaning, anything.

Someone slap me! Snap out of it! I fear gaining that 30 pounds I worked so hard to lose. I truly fear that. But do I fear it enough? The best of me does. The old swine-y self doesn't care. I just want to be coddled.

So that's where I am today. Thanks, Suzanne, for praying. I need that. And I am reciprocating. I think getting my focus off my self (by praying and serving others) is the start to climbing out of this mud pit. Thanks.

Monday, June 22, 2009

My Prayer

Lord, help me get back on track. It was a good ride from January through May. Help me. Cause my will to back away from sugar. Cause my day to be strengthened by saying no, over and over. Set me up for success today. I need your spirit, Holy Spirit, guide me in decisions-to say no when my old flesh wants to be coddled by sweets. Give me your spirit of self-control.

Monday, June 15, 2009

1996 - It was a good year but...

I missed a day of exercising last week so I didn't reach my goal of 42 miles so I didn't reach my goal of pushing past 2000 miles. 1996 miles walked since November 2007. That's like starting out here in little ol' Sparta and almost making it to Seattle, Washington. Almost.

Leaner Lamb has a great reminder of what makes healthy habits stick. I have fallen have the wagon and think I broke an ankle cuz' it's hard to jump back on. I'm not recording my diet and like lamb said, "those of us who struggle with weight eat without even thinking." Yeap, it's true. At dinner time I could have already eaten my 1600 calories for the day, but heck, I need to sit down and eat with the family, so here goes another 500-750 calories! And then, boom, I'm eating more than expending. No weight gain (thank goodness for my commitment to exercise) but the losing has stalled for about 2 months.

SO....send good thoughts, rebuking and challenging, and perhaps your ideas to keep journalling a priority (and yes I use sparkpeople).

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

So I Blew It Yesterday...

I restarted my journaling with yesterday. It went well - until post dinner time. 

I got a call from Dave. He and two other guys were down in Metropolis area scouting out camping sites for our youth group. He didn't know earlier in the day they'd be driving so far south and he didn't know when he'd be home, but he'd be missing dinner. Fine. 

I get a call 2 hours later. Their car broke down, in Carbondale, about an hour 15 minutes away. Could I pick them up? Well, a major storm was pouring down it's innards all over Sparta. Lightening was striking right next door. The streets were flooding, quickly filling up. I dared the storm but only drove around the block, trying to avoid the large, newly developed ponds in the streets, pulled back in to park and called Dave. "I'm not coming. The storm's headed in your direction and I don't know what the roads will be like."

"Okay, that's best, but are your sure?" was Dave's reply. "We're out here off the side of the main highway."

"I'll check the weather radar and see what they predict," I promised.

Now I'm worried. All I can imagine are cars whipping by and some semi speeds up, loses control, hydro-planes and smashes into their parked vehicle. So, how do I manage this stress and anxiety? Pound cake of course!

I think I consumed 800 calories within 8 minutes! Is that a record? Needless to say I didn't handle my anxious thoughts very well. The pound cake only gave me heart burn.

The evening (or early morning) ended well. The storm passed from Sparta down through Carbondale but the roads were driveable. I made it down there, picked up the guys and we were home, in bed, by 12:45am.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Almost at 2000 miles!!!

I really need to get back on track. 

I was out of commission for 10 days with respiratory flu but before that I slacked off on recording food on sparkpeople. I was diligent with exercise, and proudly recorded that. But I was ashamed of the food. Because of not recording I forget what I eat and therefore eat more. Yeah, sounds ridiculous, "How can you forget eating the 1/2 c. of M & Ms just 2 hours ago?" Believe me, I can.

So today, Monday, beginning of the week, a new week, I am back to food recording on sparkpeople. Last week I had my first complete, 6 days, workout week since coming down with the flu. Now I am a mere 39 miles from reaching my goal of 2000 miles. That's 2000 miles walked with a Leslie Sansone dvd since November of 2007. I'm impressed! I hope to reach this goal on Saturday by walking 7 miles each day. Unfortunately, or expectantly, many days get interrupted so we'll see what comes by Saturday.

But needless to say if you  are "dieting" or working on a new healthy food lifestyle I heartily and emphatically recommend food journalling.