Day 4

What a slacker i am! A day late and many a dollar short! Seriously. We, mostly me, were super busy yesterday (when I began this entry). I pulled a massive weedy bush out of the corner of our yard then noticed some odd growing plants consuming our hedgerow and proceeded to knock out more vines and weeds. Two hours later I had a pile 5 yards wide and hight ready for Dave to load up and take to be burned. I was dripping with sweat (good work out!).

After a much-needed shower I began painting Emma's room. This is the third time we have painted a room for Emma. SHe likes change. She likes redecorating...and I encourage her. So I did the cutting-in and then got carried away and painted under the windows, over the windows, between the windows and wall and...left very little for Emma to paint. So, three hours later I broke for lunch, a late-lunch. I was famished.

After lunch I went down to the basement to prime two pieces of furniture. After priming I was back up in the bedroom touching up, then back down to the basement to add a coat of "tropical breeze".

Late evening, I was cleaning the floor, adding more touch-ups, moving dressers, making beds...time for another shower and then bed. No Leslie Sansone today, but I figured I could let that slide.

Breakfast
1 1/2 c. oatmeal
1/2 c. blueberries
1 t. brown sugar
2 c. coffee
4 T half/half

Lunch
2 flour tortillas
2 romaine leaves
1 oz queso cheese
1 1/2 c. sherbet

Dinner
1 1/2 c. mac/cheese
1 c. vanilla
1/3 c. m&ms

Calories 1879

Day 3

Forgot to record yesterday! Yeah, I know, I'm recording how many calories and by the looks of the past two days I won't be losing any weight. I need to get my eating in order!

Breakfast
1/2 c. oatmeal
1 t. brown sugar
1/2 c. blueberries
2 c. coffee
3T half/half

Lunch
2 tortillas
2 romaine leaves
1/2 tomato
1 oz queso
1 1/2 c. mac/cheese
2 oz dark chocolate

Dinner
3 slices cheese pizza

Calories 2000

Exercise: 4 miles with Leslie

Day 2

Breakfast
1 1/2 c. oatmeal
1/2 c. blueberries
1 t. brown sugar
3 T. half/half
2 C. coffee

Lunch
2 flour tortillas
2 slices tomato
.5 oz canadian bacon
2 romaine leaves
1 oz con queso cheese
2/3 c steamed edamane
1 c. cherries

DInner
4 french toast with 3 T. syrup
2 scrambled eggs
1 bacon
2 oz dark chocolate

exercise: 4 miles with Leslie Sansone
calories...whoa...2167! Being honest here, and ashamed!
It wasn't the best eating day. After lunch I noticed Liam didn't finish his lunch of french toast. Clinging to that childhood myth that a plate must be cleaned, I inhaled the remainder. I actually stood over the sink soaking in bite after bite, my mind and will turned off to logic and common sense. 2 hours later, when I went in to exercise, I felt bloated, overstuffed and ashamed.

I'm Back...

Melodee at dietnaked.typepad.com is back too. She has a wonderful, real-life blog about the trials and joys of getting healthy. She lost a lot of weight. She stopped focusing on that goal and gained a lot of weight back. Now she's back on. I am so glad. She inspires me as do the smaller capris I bought in May because I lost so many inches off my waist which are now tight because I stopped exercising and recording my food-intake.

I've gained back pounds. I don't know how much because I am literally terrified of getting on the scale. I have convinced myself to weigh-in after I have gotten back on track for a few weeks. It's how I cope.

This week (this is Wednesday) I have exercised everyday and worked hard in the yard. You see, Dave (my husband) and I went on vacation in early July. We walked a lot. I worked out in the hotel spa. We returned home and I ceased to exercise. I ceased to count calories. I continued to eat as if I were on vacation (ohh, ice cream - it's a special day, why not!?). Not only did this effect me physically it effected me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I need to maintain routine. I need to get up in the morning, make coffee, make oatmeal, drink coffee, eat oatmeal, read the news on the internet, clean up, brush teeth, read bible, exercise, etc. in order to be a happy and healthy woman. I need it. Call it a weakness because I sometimes feel that it is. But I think my "Wormwood" is whispering in my ear that routines are so old-fashioned and fuddy-duddy. (Yeah, I'm re-reading the Screwtape Letters). But I know the scheme. Routine is good. Routine is healthy. I need it. There. Said and done. Thank you very much!

So I'm back, embracing that routine I established at the beginning of the year which lead to losing 25 pounds! I'll be honest end of summer with a weigh-in. But I'm back to recording exercise and food intake.

Breakfast
1 1/2 c. oatmeal
1/2 c. blueberries
1 t. brown sugar
2 c. coffee with 3 T half/half

Lunch
2 c. tossed salad with 2 T. italian dressing
2 slices flax bread toast with 1 pat butter
2/3 c. steamed edamane pods
1 c. cherries

Snack
2 cheese sticks

Dinner
3 pieces foccacia bread
1/2 tomato
2 oz fresh mozzarella
1 thin slice pancetta
1 thin slice canadian bacon
2 mojitos
1 oz dark chocolate
Total Calories: 1725
Exercise: 4 miles with Leslie Sanson (48 minutes)

Pearls before swine

Elizabeth Scalia at the Anchoressonline has an excellent post on living low, living in mediocrity, living for less than we were created, accepting the mud and mire, or throwing our pearls before swine and being satisfied. It reminds me (and she uses the analogy) of this weight-loss, food obsession struggle.

I have been struggling, mightily. Often, these last couple weeks, I've been losing. I've given in to temptation. I've succumbed to the sugary sweetness of temporary satisfaction and comfort. I'm swine groveling in the mud, too absorbed by the delights of sludge to look up and see goodness and long-lasting health and happiness ahead.

I truly feel as if I am addicted. I think about what meal is next. I anticipate hunger in hope of justifying why I am eating -- again.

What happened? My discipline of healthy eating, waiting for hunger, eating good stuff....was going so well. And then it collapsed in on me.

Summertime is supposed to be that "health-aware" season. The fashions cover less of your body so you want to be in better shape so you exercise more, eat less (because it's hotter outside and who likes to eat when it's hot?). But somehow the summer has the opposite effect on me. My routine (kids in school, home schooling, regular meetings, etc.) is off, so I am off-schedule. I need the routine! It's hot, bloody hot outside and stepping out into it drains me of all energy for the next task/project at hand and I end up tinkering on the computer for six hours and not walking, reading, cleaning, anything.

Someone slap me! Snap out of it! I fear gaining that 30 pounds I worked so hard to lose. I truly fear that. But do I fear it enough? The best of me does. The old swine-y self doesn't care. I just want to be coddled.

So that's where I am today. Thanks, Suzanne, for praying. I need that. And I am reciprocating. I think getting my focus off my self (by praying and serving others) is the start to climbing out of this mud pit. Thanks.

My Prayer

Lord, help me get back on track. It was a good ride from January through May. Help me. Cause my will to back away from sugar. Cause my day to be strengthened by saying no, over and over. Set me up for success today. I need your spirit, Holy Spirit, guide me in decisions-to say no when my old flesh wants to be coddled by sweets. Give me your spirit of self-control.

1996 - It was a good year but...

I missed a day of exercising last week so I didn't reach my goal of 42 miles so I didn't reach my goal of pushing past 2000 miles. 1996 miles walked since November 2007. That's like starting out here in little ol' Sparta and almost making it to Seattle, Washington. Almost.

Leaner Lamb has a great reminder of what makes healthy habits stick. I have fallen have the wagon and think I broke an ankle cuz' it's hard to jump back on. I'm not recording my diet and like lamb said, "those of us who struggle with weight eat without even thinking." Yeap, it's true. At dinner time I could have already eaten my 1600 calories for the day, but heck, I need to sit down and eat with the family, so here goes another 500-750 calories! And then, boom, I'm eating more than expending. No weight gain (thank goodness for my commitment to exercise) but the losing has stalled for about 2 months.

SO....send good thoughts, rebuking and challenging, and perhaps your ideas to keep journalling a priority (and yes I use sparkpeople).