Day 4

What a slacker i am! A day late and many a dollar short! Seriously. We, mostly me, were super busy yesterday (when I began this entry). I pulled a massive weedy bush out of the corner of our yard then noticed some odd growing plants consuming our hedgerow and proceeded to knock out more vines and weeds. Two hours later I had a pile 5 yards wide and hight ready for Dave to load up and take to be burned. I was dripping with sweat (good work out!).

After a much-needed shower I began painting Emma's room. This is the third time we have painted a room for Emma. SHe likes change. She likes redecorating...and I encourage her. So I did the cutting-in and then got carried away and painted under the windows, over the windows, between the windows and wall and...left very little for Emma to paint. So, three hours later I broke for lunch, a late-lunch. I was famished.

After lunch I went down to the basement to prime two pieces of furniture. After priming I was back up in the bedroom touching up, then back down to the basement to add a coat of "tropical breeze".

Late evening, I was cleaning the floor, adding more touch-ups, moving dressers, making beds...time for another shower and then bed. No Leslie Sansone today, but I figured I could let that slide.

Breakfast
1 1/2 c. oatmeal
1/2 c. blueberries
1 t. brown sugar
2 c. coffee
4 T half/half

Lunch
2 flour tortillas
2 romaine leaves
1 oz queso cheese
1 1/2 c. sherbet

Dinner
1 1/2 c. mac/cheese
1 c. vanilla
1/3 c. m&ms

Calories 1879

Day 3

Forgot to record yesterday! Yeah, I know, I'm recording how many calories and by the looks of the past two days I won't be losing any weight. I need to get my eating in order!

Breakfast
1/2 c. oatmeal
1 t. brown sugar
1/2 c. blueberries
2 c. coffee
3T half/half

Lunch
2 tortillas
2 romaine leaves
1/2 tomato
1 oz queso
1 1/2 c. mac/cheese
2 oz dark chocolate

Dinner
3 slices cheese pizza

Calories 2000

Exercise: 4 miles with Leslie

Day 2

Breakfast
1 1/2 c. oatmeal
1/2 c. blueberries
1 t. brown sugar
3 T. half/half
2 C. coffee

Lunch
2 flour tortillas
2 slices tomato
.5 oz canadian bacon
2 romaine leaves
1 oz con queso cheese
2/3 c steamed edamane
1 c. cherries

DInner
4 french toast with 3 T. syrup
2 scrambled eggs
1 bacon
2 oz dark chocolate

exercise: 4 miles with Leslie Sansone
calories...whoa...2167! Being honest here, and ashamed!
It wasn't the best eating day. After lunch I noticed Liam didn't finish his lunch of french toast. Clinging to that childhood myth that a plate must be cleaned, I inhaled the remainder. I actually stood over the sink soaking in bite after bite, my mind and will turned off to logic and common sense. 2 hours later, when I went in to exercise, I felt bloated, overstuffed and ashamed.

I'm Back...

Melodee at dietnaked.typepad.com is back too. She has a wonderful, real-life blog about the trials and joys of getting healthy. She lost a lot of weight. She stopped focusing on that goal and gained a lot of weight back. Now she's back on. I am so glad. She inspires me as do the smaller capris I bought in May because I lost so many inches off my waist which are now tight because I stopped exercising and recording my food-intake.

I've gained back pounds. I don't know how much because I am literally terrified of getting on the scale. I have convinced myself to weigh-in after I have gotten back on track for a few weeks. It's how I cope.

This week (this is Wednesday) I have exercised everyday and worked hard in the yard. You see, Dave (my husband) and I went on vacation in early July. We walked a lot. I worked out in the hotel spa. We returned home and I ceased to exercise. I ceased to count calories. I continued to eat as if I were on vacation (ohh, ice cream - it's a special day, why not!?). Not only did this effect me physically it effected me emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I need to maintain routine. I need to get up in the morning, make coffee, make oatmeal, drink coffee, eat oatmeal, read the news on the internet, clean up, brush teeth, read bible, exercise, etc. in order to be a happy and healthy woman. I need it. Call it a weakness because I sometimes feel that it is. But I think my "Wormwood" is whispering in my ear that routines are so old-fashioned and fuddy-duddy. (Yeah, I'm re-reading the Screwtape Letters). But I know the scheme. Routine is good. Routine is healthy. I need it. There. Said and done. Thank you very much!

So I'm back, embracing that routine I established at the beginning of the year which lead to losing 25 pounds! I'll be honest end of summer with a weigh-in. But I'm back to recording exercise and food intake.

Breakfast
1 1/2 c. oatmeal
1/2 c. blueberries
1 t. brown sugar
2 c. coffee with 3 T half/half

Lunch
2 c. tossed salad with 2 T. italian dressing
2 slices flax bread toast with 1 pat butter
2/3 c. steamed edamane pods
1 c. cherries

Snack
2 cheese sticks

Dinner
3 pieces foccacia bread
1/2 tomato
2 oz fresh mozzarella
1 thin slice pancetta
1 thin slice canadian bacon
2 mojitos
1 oz dark chocolate
Total Calories: 1725
Exercise: 4 miles with Leslie Sanson (48 minutes)

Pearls before swine

Elizabeth Scalia at the Anchoressonline has an excellent post on living low, living in mediocrity, living for less than we were created, accepting the mud and mire, or throwing our pearls before swine and being satisfied. It reminds me (and she uses the analogy) of this weight-loss, food obsession struggle.

I have been struggling, mightily. Often, these last couple weeks, I've been losing. I've given in to temptation. I've succumbed to the sugary sweetness of temporary satisfaction and comfort. I'm swine groveling in the mud, too absorbed by the delights of sludge to look up and see goodness and long-lasting health and happiness ahead.

I truly feel as if I am addicted. I think about what meal is next. I anticipate hunger in hope of justifying why I am eating -- again.

What happened? My discipline of healthy eating, waiting for hunger, eating good stuff....was going so well. And then it collapsed in on me.

Summertime is supposed to be that "health-aware" season. The fashions cover less of your body so you want to be in better shape so you exercise more, eat less (because it's hotter outside and who likes to eat when it's hot?). But somehow the summer has the opposite effect on me. My routine (kids in school, home schooling, regular meetings, etc.) is off, so I am off-schedule. I need the routine! It's hot, bloody hot outside and stepping out into it drains me of all energy for the next task/project at hand and I end up tinkering on the computer for six hours and not walking, reading, cleaning, anything.

Someone slap me! Snap out of it! I fear gaining that 30 pounds I worked so hard to lose. I truly fear that. But do I fear it enough? The best of me does. The old swine-y self doesn't care. I just want to be coddled.

So that's where I am today. Thanks, Suzanne, for praying. I need that. And I am reciprocating. I think getting my focus off my self (by praying and serving others) is the start to climbing out of this mud pit. Thanks.

My Prayer

Lord, help me get back on track. It was a good ride from January through May. Help me. Cause my will to back away from sugar. Cause my day to be strengthened by saying no, over and over. Set me up for success today. I need your spirit, Holy Spirit, guide me in decisions-to say no when my old flesh wants to be coddled by sweets. Give me your spirit of self-control.

1996 - It was a good year but...

I missed a day of exercising last week so I didn't reach my goal of 42 miles so I didn't reach my goal of pushing past 2000 miles. 1996 miles walked since November 2007. That's like starting out here in little ol' Sparta and almost making it to Seattle, Washington. Almost.

Leaner Lamb has a great reminder of what makes healthy habits stick. I have fallen have the wagon and think I broke an ankle cuz' it's hard to jump back on. I'm not recording my diet and like lamb said, "those of us who struggle with weight eat without even thinking." Yeap, it's true. At dinner time I could have already eaten my 1600 calories for the day, but heck, I need to sit down and eat with the family, so here goes another 500-750 calories! And then, boom, I'm eating more than expending. No weight gain (thank goodness for my commitment to exercise) but the losing has stalled for about 2 months.

SO....send good thoughts, rebuking and challenging, and perhaps your ideas to keep journalling a priority (and yes I use sparkpeople).

So I Blew It Yesterday...

I restarted my journaling with sparkpeople.com yesterday. It went well - until post dinner time. 

I got a call from Dave. He and two other guys were down in Metropolis area scouting out camping sites for our youth group. He didn't know earlier in the day they'd be driving so far south and he didn't know when he'd be home, but he'd be missing dinner. Fine. 

I get a call 2 hours later. Their car broke down, in Carbondale, about an hour 15 minutes away. Could I pick them up? Well, a major storm was pouring down it's innards all over Sparta. Lightening was striking right next door. The streets were flooding, quickly filling up. I dared the storm but only drove around the block, trying to avoid the large, newly developed ponds in the streets, pulled back in to park and called Dave. "I'm not coming. The storm's headed in your direction and I don't know what the roads will be like."

"Okay, that's best, but are your sure?" was Dave's reply. "We're out here off the side of the main highway."

"I'll check the weather radar and see what they predict," I promised.

Now I'm worried. All I can imagine are cars whipping by and some semi speeds up, loses control, hydro-planes and smashes into their parked vehicle. So, how do I manage this stress and anxiety? Pound cake of course!

I think I consumed 800 calories within 8 minutes! Is that a record? Needless to say I didn't handle my anxious thoughts very well. The pound cake only gave me heart burn.

The evening (or early morning) ended well. The storm passed from Sparta down through Carbondale but the roads were driveable. I made it down there, picked up the guys and we were home, in bed, by 12:45am.

Almost at 2000 miles!!!

I really need to get back on track. 

I was out of commission for 10 days with respiratory flu but before that I slacked off on recording food on sparkpeople. I was diligent with exercise, and proudly recorded that. But I was ashamed of the food. Because of not recording I forget what I eat and therefore eat more. Yeah, sounds ridiculous, "How can you forget eating the 1/2 c. of M & Ms just 2 hours ago?" Believe me, I can.

So today, Monday, beginning of the week, a new week, I am back to food recording on sparkpeople. Last week I had my first complete, 6 days, workout week since coming down with the flu. Now I am a mere 39 miles from reaching my goal of 2000 miles. That's 2000 miles walked with a Leslie Sansone dvd since November of 2007. I'm impressed! I hope to reach this goal on Saturday by walking 7 miles each day. Unfortunately, or expectantly, many days get interrupted so we'll see what comes by Saturday.

But needless to say if you  are "dieting" or working on a new healthy food lifestyle I heartily and emphatically recommend food journalling.

Respiratory Flu

It's been over a week since I've exercised. I am tired. I am dizzy and I really don't feel like sweating. I've had this respiratory flu for just a week now. My youngest seems to be coming down with it today. The doctor told me it can linger 10-15 days than you think you're done with it and - boom - it hits again. So I want to be cautious. I'm also anxious. I don't want this reprieve from my "new health" routine send me down a spiral of weight gain and lethargic muscle tone. 

Update from the weekend

The weekend went well. I didn't gain any pounds. I did snack, however. I didn't succeed with all my expectations. But I did get  6 days of exercise in the 4 days prior to leaving for the Great Banquet. 

I'm a little off my habit of recording my food intake. I know this is vital, to know throughout the day how much I've eaten so I don't over eat by the end of the day. 

Yesterday I did quite a bit of gardening and gardening must have some major benefits to the backside because this morning - wow! aches and pains, but in a good way.

And let's hear it for Helen. A woman. A 48 year old woman winning the Biggest Loser. But I must say she looked incredibly thin, incredibly fit yet incredibly thin. I noticed she was at 147 when she left the ranch and at the finale last night she weight 117. She lost 30 pounds more! The other two (Mike and Tara) were no where near that number as far as weight loss while home. I wonder if Helen did the math and figured she would have to lose a lot more weight in order to exceed Mike and Tara. It worked. 

And then there was Jerry, who won the $100,000 at home biggest loser. Wow! 64 years old and only on the ranch for two weeks. What an example of perseverance.

So I'm still hovering at 203. Been there for about a month. I'm glad it's not moving up but feel I need to kick it in gear to get the scale going down. But it's going to have to wait - Ian's graduating next week and in-laws are coming, big party plans, etc. But exercise is my passion and keeps my motivation up.

Leaving for the weekend today.

I'm a little frustrated. I've cranked up the work out yet my weight has leveled - stagnant. I can't seem to get below 200. I'm just hovering right above it. So frustrating.

I hope Helen wins on Biggest Loser simply because she's 48. Early on in the show (not this season but previous) I complained that only women in their 20s and early 30s were picked (I think I even sent a letter to the show). Now here's a woman who I can relate to - struggles (probably) with the hormone thing. And she's doing it. She's incredibly fit. Ran a marathon. Looks great. 

I really would prefer Mike and Ron to lose. I know they have done incredibly well but Ron's deception over Christy really aggravated me. 

Ta ta for now. Eat well, exercise, enjoy life. Eat to live.

Anticipating Sabotage

I'm doing well this week - pushing hard in my exercise routine (10 miles/day) because I'm going on a retreat this weekend so I want to get in my weekly (6 days) miles in only four days. 

But I am also anticipating the desserts and snacks I will face Thursday through Sunday. So my big question: how do you anticipate temptation? When faced with the onslaught of chocolate chip cookies, cakes, mini-hersey bars and anything else you consider taboo, how do you set yourself up to succeed? Last time I went on this retreat I knew if I started imbibing, even if I lingered near the snack table, all was lost. Once a sugary sweet passes my lips all self-control and discipline has vanished. I truly feel out of control. So my best bet is simply not take anything. Then I must cope with the feelings of deprivation. I know, I know, I know what is best. I must gear myself up to hold steadfast to that. I will be taking several packs of gum (just like they recommend on the Biggest Loser). What would you do?

The I Word

I finding it rather redundant to record my food diary on sparkpeople.com and then here so instead of using this blog for food/exercise journaling (so I am so faithful on sparkpeople) I am altering my purpose to be a place where my issues with health/exercise/eating right are shared openly and honestly. And in that spirit...

Last week something happened while I was exercising. I was shocked at first. Bewildered really. I had know idea what was going on. It just happened. So suddenly. It happened only once - last week. Then it happened again - two days ago and then just yesterday. 

Incontinence.

I didn't know how it happened at first. I felt no urge. I just noticed after it happened that I was wet - wetter than from just sweating. I realize this may be TMI but when I began doing some google research on the topic I read how so many women believe they are the only ones experience incontinence that they are ashamed. It's not a shameful thing. In fact, it's quite ordinary for women of all ages, especially during exercise. And that's when it happens for me.

What to do about it? Kegels! Remember Kegels? I learned about Kegels during my first pregnancy. Obviously I haven't been practicing what I learned about 18+ years ago. But Kegels are the best form of repair and prevention of incontinence. There is surgery but that's too invasive. 

So while your sitting at your computer, typing away, reading away ... do your Kegels!

A Need for Prayer - please!

I know I've been absent for a while. Everything, eating-wise, is going well. No problems there. And I'm getting my exercise in. 

But there are issues going on in our family that are consuming my internet time. My son must decide on a college tomorrow (Thursday). I would greatly appreciate prayer. 

It's 3:34am right now. I can't sleep. We re-read over the financial aid letters and realized we mis-read the one from the university Ian would really like to attend. Their package isn't as great as we thought. In fact none of the packages aren't that great. I am confused and disappointed. We were reassured from several folks (and in hindsight we should not have taken their words to heart) that with Ian's GPA and ACT score any school would take him and most likely with a full-ride scholarship.  If Ian takes any one of these offers he will be incurring a massive debt and I don't like that.

Tomorrow I will be making phone calls to two of the universities to see if any more financial aid is available. I am not a bold person. I don't like asking...for anything. Please help me by praying for the right words to come out of my mouth.

The fact that he needs to make a decision by tomorrow is weighing on us (there, that fits in with my weight-loss blog). We just received the financial packet from the third school today! That's why this decision is so last minute. 

Thanks for reading and thanks for praying.

Day 7 - Arghhhh!

The thought behind my food detox (this past week) and the liquid fast (planned for Monday) was to "divorce" myself from food. I had grand intentions of preparing myself during last week by eating wisely so that Monday, tomorrow, would come and the juice fast would be a breeze, then on Tuesday I would feel little compulsion to overeat, crave carbs and especially sugar. Ahh, that was the plan.

Sunday, today, we had several folks over after church and I made chocolate cake for dessert. The night before was the wedding...and wedding cake. Just when you think you are stronger than your addiction - boom - you realize you are not-you realize, "I am still weak and unable to say no to that thing which I over-consume because it consumes me." It's so frustration.

One of our lunch guests has been sober for 8 months. He is on the path on holding on to Jesus and His strength. He commented on his weekly AA meetings and how some folks 8, 10 even 16 years sober get that feeling that now they are strong enough - they go back into their old way of life, back into those relationships or visit places they used to thinking, "I'm strong now, I can handle one drink." And they fall off the wagon. So easy. So quickly. 

The place of trepidation is probably a good for me - embracing my weakness rather than ignoring it. When I deny my weakness, deny that it's an issue, I think, "I can have one piece of cake, pie, or candy... and stop. I have learned. I am strong." But in reality I am not. I am weak and have to avoid those trigger foods and learn how to cope with situations where trigger foods are passed out (ie. weddings, parties). 

Day 6

Breakfast

1 1/2 c. oatmeal

2 t. slivered almonds

1/4 c. blueberries

1 t. brown sugar

1/3 c. half/half

Lunch

3 boiled eggs

2 c. steamed broccoli

2 slices bread

Dinner

.2 C honey roasted peanuts

.2 C. m & ms

1/2 slice wedding cake

1 oz pork loin

1/2 C. salad

1/2 C. green beans

1/2 C. grapes

3 strawberries

2/3 C. mostaciolli

Exercise: 8 miles with leslie (96 minutes)

Day 5

Breakfast

1 1/2 c. oatmeal

2 t. slivered almonds

1/4 c. blueberries

1 t. brown sugar

1/3 c. half/half

Lunch

3 boiled eggs

4 c. steamed broccoli

10 baby carrots

Snack

1/3 c. dry roasted peanuts

Dinner

tossed salad with turkey breast, cheddar cheese, 1/2 egg and 2 T. raspberry vinaigrette

2 dinner rolls

Exercise

8 miles with Leslie (96 minutes)

Day 4

Breakfast

1 1/2 c. oatmeal

2 T. slivered almonds

1 t. brown sugar

1/4 c. blueberries

1/4 c. half/half

Lunch

4 c. steamed cauliflower

2 egg white/2 egg scrambled

10 baby carrots

Snack

3 boiled eggs

Dinner

6 c. tossed salad with 2 T light dressing

Exercise: 7 miles with Leslie

Day 39

Breakfast

1 1/2 c. oatmeal

2 T. slivered almonds

1 t. brown sugar

1/4 c. blueberries

1/4 c. half/half

Lunch

6 c. tossed salad with 4 boiled eggs and 3 T. light dressing

1 1/2 c. steamed broccoli

10 baby carrots

Dinner

4 egg whites/1 egg scrambled with red onion

2 c. steamed broccoli

Exercise: 6 miles with Leslie