Day 7 - Arghhhh!

The thought behind my food detox (this past week) and the liquid fast (planned for Monday) was to "divorce" myself from food. I had grand intentions of preparing myself during last week by eating wisely so that Monday, tomorrow, would come and the juice fast would be a breeze, then on Tuesday I would feel little compulsion to overeat, crave carbs and especially sugar. Ahh, that was the plan.

Sunday, today, we had several folks over after church and I made chocolate cake for dessert. The night before was the wedding...and wedding cake. Just when you think you are stronger than your addiction - boom - you realize you are not-you realize, "I am still weak and unable to say no to that thing which I over-consume because it consumes me." It's so frustration.

One of our lunch guests has been sober for 8 months. He is on the path on holding on to Jesus and His strength. He commented on his weekly AA meetings and how some folks 8, 10 even 16 years sober get that feeling that now they are strong enough - they go back into their old way of life, back into those relationships or visit places they used to thinking, "I'm strong now, I can handle one drink." And they fall off the wagon. So easy. So quickly. 

The place of trepidation is probably a good for me - embracing my weakness rather than ignoring it. When I deny my weakness, deny that it's an issue, I think, "I can have one piece of cake, pie, or candy... and stop. I have learned. I am strong." But in reality I am not. I am weak and have to avoid those trigger foods and learn how to cope with situations where trigger foods are passed out (ie. weddings, parties).