I have been struggling, mightily. Often, these last couple weeks, I've been losing. I've given in to temptation. I've succumbed to the sugary sweetness of temporary satisfaction and comfort. I'm swine groveling in the mud, too absorbed by the delights of sludge to look up and see goodness and long-lasting health and happiness ahead.
I truly feel as if I am addicted. I think about what meal is next. I anticipate hunger in hope of justifying why I am eating -- again.
What happened? My discipline of healthy eating, waiting for hunger, eating good stuff....was going so well. And then it collapsed in on me.
Summertime is supposed to be that "health-aware" season. The fashions cover less of your body so you want to be in better shape so you exercise more, eat less (because it's hotter outside and who likes to eat when it's hot?). But somehow the summer has the opposite effect on me. My routine (kids in school, home schooling, regular meetings, etc.) is off, so I am off-schedule. I need the routine! It's hot, bloody hot outside and stepping out into it drains me of all energy for the next task/project at hand and I end up tinkering on the computer for six hours and not walking, reading, cleaning, anything.
Someone slap me! Snap out of it! I fear gaining that 30 pounds I worked so hard to lose. I truly fear that. But do I fear it enough? The best of me does. The old swine-y self doesn't care. I just want to be coddled.
So that's where I am today. Thanks, Suzanne, for praying. I need that. And I am reciprocating. I think getting my focus off my self (by praying and serving others) is the start to climbing out of this mud pit. Thanks.